Breaking the Cycle of Sabotage

Does Career Sabotage continuously show up in your life and/or business?

Career as a as a as   shows up as imposter  as syndrome, disorganization, indecisiveness, over researching, perfectionism, procrastination and more.

Most of my clients suffer from this. And most of my clients are some of the strongest, hard-working, confident women you’d ever meet and you’d never expect it from the outside looking in. 

I can absolutely relate and if you start to talk to others, most will raise their hand and say “Me too!”. 

For years, I was a serial career and business sabotager. I became so good at starting a “dream” business and then closing it months after. I started to convince myself that I just liked to design new logos. I had no idea this was a real issue that faces many, especially leaders, small business owners, and entrepreneurs. But, after spending over a year to launch my “real dream business” and closing it four months later, I knew this was a pattern I couldn’t ignore.

I was initially in complete denial that this had anything to do with anything emotional or belief based. And funny enough, I took a course four years prior to become a Nuero-transformational Life and Business Coach, so I had all the first-hand knowledge of why this was happening, but I still didn’t believe it. But, it’s real and it’s a major problem for many strong, talented people out there. Those who have big dreams for themselves, but talk themselves out of it mostly because of fear.

What I had to break was the cycle of sabotage. The cycle of being a perfectionist, then having the fear of failure, then along comes procrastination, here comes some self criticism and this leads to anxiety and depression. Eventually this leads to a loss of confidence and an even greater fear of failure.

So, when this happens, what do most of us do?

Nothing. We do nothing.

Some lose sight of their dreams all together (like me), many then start to question what their life’s purpose is, and they’ll ask questions like “What am I here for?” 

For others who’ve followed their dreams, like starting a business or trying to grow their business to the next level, they’ll become complacent and just simply can’t see a new vision. They become comfortable with the status quo, but they know there’s more out there for them. They feel busy, but really, nothing is happening.

Or my favorite (completely guilty here!) is the over-researcher… The one who has to research a particular topic over and over and over again until the internet starts to repeat itself - and then they might feel convinced that they are ready to do the next step. But, they still don’t act.

For me, I had no vision for my life after I closed my “dream business". And this is the scariest place anyone could ever be, especially for someone who’s been a dreamer since a child. 

So, why does this even happen? 

How could one who is so driven, believes in their purpose and consciously tells themself to push through it anyway, still find it extremely difficult to do the very thing that is holding them back?

This is a result of years and years of programming. It usually stems from an event as a child or adolescent that caused pain or trauma (or generational trauma, but that’s a bigger topic for another day). As a result, you were left with unprocessed emotions and a judgment about yourself. Usually, this judgment was something related to “I’m not good enough”. 

An example could be something as innocent as you having to stand up in front of the classroom as a child to present for “show and tell" and being so nervous that you were stumbling on your words and your hands were shaking. You might have felt completely embarrassed and ashamed and told yourself at that moment, "I'm just not meant to speak in front of people”.

That “story” carried through into your adult life and you told yourself over and over again that you just aren't a good speaker. And because you think that thought, that’s exactly how you’ll show up because our actions are directly correlated to our thoughts (Think and Grow Rich concept). And you’ll keep this false narrative alive because you keep creating proof that it’s true. 

And this is the basis of fears and these fears are what hold us back from making progress in our careers, it keeps us from starting a business or keeps us small and safe so we don’t have to feel that awful feeling of what happens to us when we’re afraid.

It’s the experience of newness that doesn’t feel good. For many, they just shut down that feeling and don’t do the invincible. But, we must push through discomfort. In fact, it’s the only way to achieve the impossible. We have to have those uncomfortable feelings to have a breakthrough. We might feel out of control of our emotions, but doing it anyway tells our subconscious that ‘it’s ok, you can release the fear. I’m ok’.

Experts on change explain the stages we go through. If you're in a situation in your life and you know you need to change, try to bring awareness to where you are now so it can help you level up your life.

Here are The Stages of Change:

Stage 1: Precontemplation: In this stage, you haven’t recognized and acknowledged there is a problem. 

I think most of us can relate to that feeling when you realize “Oh, wait”, this isn’t right for me. But, you’ve been dealing with this scenario that's just not right for you for long enough. Unfortunately, it’s when we feel pain that we start to shift and we get that “ah ha”  moment. This then brings us to the next stage…

Stage 2: Contemplation: During this stage, you acknowledge there is a problem, but you’re not ready yet or you are lacking the confidence to make a change.

This can be a very overwhelming stage because you start to realize you can’t stay where you are, but your mind (subconscious) will try to convince you to. It can feel very conflicting - one day you think you’re going this way, the next day you change your mind. But, after much internal deliberation and making your pros & cons lists, you move into Stage 3, Preparation & Determination…

Stage 3: Preparation & Determination In this stage, you’ve made a commitment to change and you may be saying to yourself, “What can I do?”

I’m linking the exact verbiage from the LL University School of Medicine as there’s no better way to say it:

This is sort of a research phase. They gather information (sometimes by reading things like this) about what they will need to do to change their behavior. Or they will check out websites, organizations and resources that are available to help them in their attempt. Too often, people skip this stage: they try to move directly from contemplation into action and fall flat on their faces because they haven’t adequately researched or accepted what it is going to take to make this major lifestyle change.

I want to highlight the “people skip this stage” part as this is where I’ve found myself to struggle in the past and what I’ve had to develop is a new muscle, a new response… I don’t rush. I slow down and make strategic decisions. I used to be so determined once I realized there was a different way and I would dive into a new situation without really thinking it all the way through. I usually ended up finding out that if I had thought things through more, I probably would have made different decisions.

It’s a fine balance, on one hand, you want to just MOVE. On the other hand, it’s important to take your time, research and evaluate all your options. You really can only make decisions the best you can with the knowledge or experience you have at the time, but it still makes a difference to take a deep breath sometimes, walk away, think (or pray) about your situation and evaluate your next best step. 

Step 4: Action/Will power During this stage, this is when you start to change your behaviors. This is usually the shortest phase and this is when action happens.

This is when you show up for yourself! 

In the Coaching world, we’re all about taking action and forward momentum. When you begin to act, you’re telling your subconscious that this is important and that strong-hold to keep you back (fear, procrastination, head talk, etc.) begins to loosen because you’ve made up your mind. This is the stage that I always say - It’s when the magic happens.

Things will start to show up for you that you couldn’t even conceive of in the previous stages. Your mind wouldn’t allow you to see what is possible. Now, you’re in a new state and your Reticular Activating System (RAS) is activated and you’ll start to notice new opportunities. This is when your changed thoughts will change your behavior.

Step 5: Maintenance: You’ve made it here, now your job is to maintain the behavior change.

One trick to stay here is to remind yourself often of the progress you’ve made and if possible, find an accountability partner or hire a great coach to help support you on your journey.

The most important message I want to convey in this article is self-awareness. We can all ignore the signs when it’s time to change (like most do), but that usually means you’re in such pain that you’re forced to do things differently. 

My hope for you is to recognize that we’re always on a path of learning and growing and every “new stage” will be packaged with the feeling of angst and frustration because that’s exactly how we’re all designed. Lean into this angst - the feeling of discomfort. It means you're on track.

The only answer is to act. Take one step further and don’t give up on your dreams, ever. 

Meet Coach Elisha

I am a certified Business and Life Coach supporting women-owned business owners and leaders. My mission is to support women on their road towards mastery. Why? Because strong women need support too, and I believe your influence and impact on this world is exactly what we need more of . I specialize in developing The Business Trifecta: The Leader, The Culture and The Customer you serve. Our coaching practice focuses on developing and improving this ecosystem from the inside out. Experience the Unleashed Life with Unleashed Life Coaching.