Don’t Give Up: A Letter to Ms. Desperate

To the brave woman who started a business alone, I see you.

To the scared woman who is unsure of her choice, I see you.

To the woman holding onto Mom guilt for following her dream, I see you.

To the woman who has dreams so big inside of her that they just need to be unleashed, I see you.

I see you because I am you. 

This article was not only written for you, this was written for me.

As an exercise to get my blog started, one method is for the “old you” to write a letter to the “new you”. The old me is who I serve today.

See, I had to go through a lot of pain, struggles, fear, guilt and shame with starting my first business as a mom of three, a devoted wife and trying to balance a full time job.

All of those struggles took over and I eventually threw in the towel and closed down my first business. I was devastated, but I thought at the time that it was the only way out.

But, after my own personal transformation I now see there was a new way, and that’s exactly what I teach now. And I teach this because if I could help even just one woman to see her business blossom like I always wished for, all of this was worth it for me.

So, I invite you to read a vulnerable letter written by my “old self”  and the guidance my “unleashed self” has written back. The person I knew I was meant to be. The person who has conquered her fears and is living her dreams:

Dear Elisha, 

I am writing to you today in a moment of desperation. I have been working on my business for the past 1 ½ years and I am ready to give up. 

I am going to tell you a little bit about me and my situation and wanted to ask if you can help me. 

I’ve spent 20 years feeling extremely successful in my career because I was climbing the corporate ladder and even though it was challenging, I always felt that all my efforts were being paid off. 

For years, climbing the corporate ladder was invigorating for me. I would work really hard, lead many teams, lead large projects and in return,  I was rewarded with a great salary, benefits and the thrill of the ride.

After years in leadership and growing in my career, I gained a lot more confidence to go out on my own. I believed in my efforts, I saw my success over the years and I always received really good feedback from bosses and customers so I thought I had what it took to “go out there”  into the big world and do something great with all of the experience I had gained. I thought starting my own business was the answer.

 I felt my entrepreneur spirit growing inside of me, but I was stuck inside my corporate body. I took a chance anyway and went for it. It was a feeling I couldn't shake. I just knew I had to go for it.

Since I started, I’ve spent countless hours sitting at my kitchen table working on my business and feeling incredibly frustrated. I am not making a large return like I expected, I feel like I’m trying to sell something that people don't want and I hear way more critics than I do fans.

 I signed up for an $18,000 online course to teach me how to launch and grow my business and after a very short time, I realized there was no “secret” like I was led to believe.  There was no magic formula that worked for this person that I could carbon copy for me. It was extremely basic frameworks that anyone should know and the internet could have just told me that. 

 I’m now in debt, I’m trying to navigate being a mom and wife, balancing my work load and honestly, everytime I post on social media, I become even more discouraged when only my best friend and my cousin like my post.

I feel completely alone.

Some days I feel really good and some days I want to give up the dream of this business.  I’m beginning to feel that I’m just not meant to be an entrepreneur. Maybe some people have the gift and some people don’t

It's just too much for me in my thoughts, I am conflicted with the amount of work, I’m trying to listen to every single person telling me the way to go, people showing me what worked for them and getting sucked into expensive packages that this is the way to a six figure business.  I’ve gotten so disgusted with hearing all the different people that I actually have resorted to feeling afraid of who I can trust and I’m conflicted on that. 

I want to ramp up my efforts and go out and build this big business and then I stop myself because of the fear. I feel like I know the way, but don’t want to keep going with so much unknown.

Can you help me to clarify the path forward and what would you do as a coach to help someone like me? Thank you so much.

Desperately seeking answers,

Elisha

And here’s the Coach’s response:

Dear Elisha, 

First of all, I want to say thank you for being so vulnerable with how you’re feeling because I promise you, there are so many women just like you who are incredibly strong, gifted business owners and mothers who are trying to do it all.

I completely understand you want to give up. Each day, hundreds of business owners like yourself close their doors and for many of the reasons you explained. 

I won’t lie and tell you that entrepreneurship is easy, it’s not. If it was, everyone would do it. But, I can tell you, it’s worth it, especially if it’s your dream.

The answer you're looking for is not able to be googled, there’s not a perfect formula that you can ever learn nor is it going to be perfectly seamless to find success.

What I can tell you is true, if you want to change your outer world, you must start by changing your inner world.

I didn’t give up my first business because I didn’t know how to do it. I had enough experience, research, programs to follow and all the steps written out for me.

I gave up because my body gave up. I became so incredibly burnt out from the stress, 12-16 hour days, my mind constantly racing and feeling so alone in the process that it just became “not worth it”.

But, after months of finding myself, discovering what was really holding me back, and some internal breakthroughs, I’ve learned how to conquer my fears one at a time and have become successful in my new business. 

So, I tell you, it is possible, my friend. But again, the answer starts with your mind and your thoughts because thats what controls 90% of everything you do. And from experience, it’s impossible to do it alone.

Before you give up, take the  “Rocking Chair Test”. If you were to get to the end of your life and looked back at what you’ve done or not done, would you regret giving up right now?

If not, here’s where to start.

Start by paying attention to yourself. Track your patterns whether good or bad. What are your habits? Are you spending time on the activities that grow your business? Or are you avoiding those things?

Are you setting time each week to create a plan? Or are you “winging it” and hoping to see progress?

Are you taking care of yourself? Or is your cup so empty at the end of the week that you cant even be present with your family?

Are you focused on your customers and how to create an incredible experience for them? Or are you so drained that you just are happy to get another client?

Please know that you are the leader, the captain of your ship, and your energy, spirit, passion and enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire team and family. You are THE MOST IMPORTANT person who is impacting everything around you. You must be aligned and centered so your team and community you serve is too.

They need a healthy leader to show them the path but if you’re feeling angst and pain, how are you showing up for your family, how are you showing up for your team and how healthy is your customer base?

So again, start with you. Shift your thoughts to gratitude and you’ll literally change your entire emotional charge. Do this daily, even when its hard.

You’ll start to bring momentum, creativity, passion, and purpose and you will pass that energy back down to your family, team and customers.

Lastly, this is all about building your business which means, building your community. Your customers are the lifeline of your business and without them, you don’t have one.

You’ve started your business for a reason. You likely had some sort of emotional experience in your life that brought you to the very moment when you decided to open your  doors  and help people like you. Maybe you believe in your way because you know you can do it better, that you see others “out there” doing it all wrong and you feel compelled to bring a new experience. What a beautiful thing.

If this is true, your community needs you. They need you to push through, to fight through the hard days and to tell the world about the wonderful work you do.

So, my invitation to you is to push harder. This angst you feel is necessary. It means you’ve dared to go where you’ve never been before. It means that your subconscious is working so hard to stop you because it wants to protect you,  but your heart is bigger than your head. Listen to your heart and follow the steps towards the path to do what you know you’re meant to do.

You always have a choice, but I believe if you bet on yourself, you’ll win. And if you need a Coach to guide you, I’ll be right there in your corner.

Sending you much love,

Coach Elisha

To the person who relates to this:

I’ll never give up. I’ll never give up on you. I hope you never give up on them and I hope you build the business of your dreams.

Meet Coach Elisha

I am a certified Business and Life Coach supporting women-owned business owners and leaders. My mission is to support women on their road towards mastery. Why? Because strong women need support too, and I believe your influence and impact on this world is exactly what we need more of . I specialize in developing The Business Trifecta: The Leader, The Culture and The Customer you serve. Our coaching practice focuses on developing and improving this ecosystem from the inside out. Experience the Unleashed Life with Unleashed Life Coaching.